A Journey to Faith

5:40 in the morning.

What reason could any sensible person possibly have to be awake that early?

Looking past the two days each week when I wake up at 4 AM for work, I avoid early mornings at all costs. Usually at conferences I don’t exist in the public eye until around noon. Today, however, something pushed me to wake up early and go to morning spiritual practice. I am a deeply spiritual person, but I don’t often take time out of my life to practice, so, while it doesn’t seem out of character, this addition to my conference schedule for the day surprised both me and my roommates for the week (who weren’t truly “up” yet, but one of whom came out of her room to ask me why I was up so early).

So I woke up at 5:40 in the morning.

I never claimed to be a sensible person.

After rushing about my morning routine (a term I use very loosely, given that I started it two days ago), tossing together some snacks to tide me through the day, and rushing down and out of the hotel, I headed over to the convention center (late) to start my morning with meditation and worship.

The last time I attended General Assembly was 2015, the year that same-sex marriage was legalized on the second-to-last day, and also the year in which one general session lasted over three hours while people debated whether or not to allow the UUA to make a formal statement in support of Black Lives Matter. At the time I had only barely considered ministry, or any faith-based leadership, as a path my life might take. I knew that my faith was the most important thing in my life, but I was far more caught up in the things I thought I should be doing. Direct action, protests, debates, putting my own body on the line – no one had yet told me that support roles and fighting from within the system were possible, and just as valuable as direct action. So I spent GA 2015 in a haze of signature-collecting, moderate-debating, triumph-chanting action, completely unaware of my own spiritual and emotional needs.

Four years later, a lot has changed. I have a new best friend, someone deeply called to direct action of all kinds, who has repeatedly, enthusiastically affirmed my calling to a quieter service. I have served as an organizer for social actions, a leader in small-group ministry, and a lay minister to a large youth community. I have invested what, in 2015, would have been unimaginable effort into getting to know myself, caring for and loving myself. I have spent hours exploring the possibility of ministry as my path, alone and with other youth, adults, and faith professionals. I have discovered that my faith inspires everything I do and say in every moment of my life.

I have learned how to live my faith.

The journey to ministry isn’t going to be easy. Attending graduate school as a working young adult with a disability in the Bay Area will be a challenge unlike any I’ve faced before. For all I know, seminary won’t work for me. All I know is that I am called to ministry, and nothing, no amount of beaurocracy, elitism, or systemic ablism, is going to keep me from doing the work that I am meant to do in this world.

In faith,

Maddie